Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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