She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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