You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
