I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
