you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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