Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
