i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
