you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
