return my video game
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
