Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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