her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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