Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
