we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
