You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
