It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
