im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
