I need help removing her.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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