the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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