he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
