I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
