kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
We left an ass print on the piano.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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