You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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