if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
