"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
