Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Couch. On fire.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
