The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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