Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
