A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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