Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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