we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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