You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
