She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
