so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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