home. puking in laundry basket.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
