I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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