I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
