THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
