I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
