I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
