i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
They are going to name an STD after you.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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