We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
