Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
3pm strippers are depressing
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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