Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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