Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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