Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I wish i was in the wii world.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
