Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
