i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
