Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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