I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
