I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
