And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
