Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
