I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
