Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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